Dumb Tattoos Are The Best Tattoos

I grew up in a household in which tattoos were not really talked about all that often, but it was kind of an unspoken rule that your skin shouldn’t be tainted with ink — especially if it was visible with a short sleeve shirt.

What will it do to your job prospects in the future? People with tattoos can’t work a normal 9–5 office job.
What will our friends and family think about you? People with tattoos are mean and aggressive.

Being the angsty teenager that I was, I repelled these ideals and spent many nights scrolling through tumblr and visualizing all of the tattoos I would have in the future. Fifteen year old me had a lot of ideas and wanted to be covered head to toe in large, colorful designs, even if it was against my parents wishes. But, one thing behind my designs always carried over — they all need to have a very special meaning behind them, or else they were pointless.

So, on my eighteenth birthday, my ex-boyfriend drove me to his tattoo artist (he was quite a few years older than me — but that’s a story for a different time) and he paid for my first tattoo as a birthday present. Don’t get the wrong idea — it had nothing to do with him, or our relationship. I would never get a tattoo for a boy. What I did get was a poorly drawn American traditional compass with some sloppy lettering that said “Every Path Leads Home”. At the time, it signified something about me constantly feeling lost or unsure about my decisions, and it was supposed to serve as a reminder that I will always find my way back home. Today, I still really like the sentiment, but it’s my least favorite tattoo that I have. I wasn’t really into the artist and I don’t really like the color palette. I spent so much time pining about the special meaning behind the image that I forgot to think about the art. I let someone else pick my artist, and that was the worst decision I’ve ever made… but at least I didn’t pay for it.

Fast forward a few years later, and I have collected a total of 11 pieces of art on my body. It’s not an insane amount, but I don’t think it’s too bad for a novice ink collector. A few of them showcase things I am passionate about, like my Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind tattoo or some lyrics from my favorite song by The Wonder Years. I also have a few flash pieces I got just because I thought they looked cool.

But I also have my fair share of dumb tattoos. And they are, by far, my favorite. They each have wonderful stories behind them, and definitely turn the most heads.

When I was about 18 years old, a friend of mine decided to buy a tattoo gun (bad decision). I, being a stupid teenager, decided it was a good idea to let him tattoo me (even worse decision). I decided to get a small tattoo of a ghost, which was the album cover to one of my favorite bands at the time. He drew up a stencil with a Bic pen and laid it down on my skin. Then, I sat down for one of the most excruciating tattoo experiences of my life. I was laying on my back, arm stretched out, as he tattooed the inside of my bicep. He was inexperienced and heavy handed, and I gripped his bed sheets, grimacing in pain. The lines came out shaky, but you could definitely tell it was a ghost. Thankfully, it didn’t get infected. But — the lead singer of this band was accused of sexual assault a few years later and I stopped supporting their music. Now, it serves as a fun little ghost tattoo with no meaning behind it, and a warning to anyone thinking about getting a tattoo from someone who isn’t properly certified. Just don’t do it. Pay a trained professional — it’s worth the money. But, the story usually gets me a few laughs.

The next dumb tattoo I have is by far the best one. I have a small lemon slice at the bottom of my bicep, just before my elbow. I was drunk in Atlantic City one night, and me and my roommate decided to get tattoos on the boardwalk.
Most reputable tattoo parlors don’t allow intoxicated customers to get tattooed, but I was in AC — New Jersey’s most exciting asset if you like free drinks and losing money. Their customer base is entirely made up of drunk people that just won it big at the casino. So, these guys take me in with no issue. When I asked for a lemon slice, the receptionist and the artists were confused. Everyone asked me “Why a lemon slice?” and the best answer I could think of was “They’re sour, just like my personality!”

The artist drew up my design and sat me down in his chair. He started talking to me, and told me some interesting stories about his life and his tattoos. He had his baby momma’s name tattooed on him with “VOID” written over it — and then proceeded to tell me about how he just got engaged, but he’s going to get his baby momma back one day. He was a really interesting guy to say the least. By the time he finished, I had sobered up a bit and he asked me to flex my arm before putting the bandage over it. Then, true magic happened. When I flexed my biceps, the lemon slice looked like it was being squeezed. It’s my favorite tattoo to show off, and everybody gets a kick out of it.

The last dumb tattoo story that I want to share is the classic. I’ve been in a relationship for about a year with my lovely boyfriend. It’s definitely serious, but not serious enough to talk about marriage or more long-term commitments. We just know that we love each other a lot. So, the Philadelphia Tattoo convention rolls around and I’m going with a few of my buddies. I have an appointment for the start of the event, and my friends are going to wander around to see what they can find. I’m done after about two hours — but the two people I came with are both getting tattooed at separate tables. I am truly left to my own devices. After wandering for a bit, I decide to get another tattoo — a simple paper crane. She says $60, so I decide to ask about another one too — a small letter “d” on the inside of my right ring finger — which is the initial of my boyfriends first name. I figure it’ll be a fun surprise for him, and the artist only added $20 to the price.

This one clearly has some meaning behind it, but it’s not like I am signing my life away to a relationship (even though it’s on my skin forever). This tattoo was not so much about the fact that I think I’m going to marry him — because I might not. I’m still young. Anything could happen. It’s more about the love that I’m feeling for him now. I am so passionate about our relationship, and the love I feel for him is so strong. And when I look back at this tattoo in the future, whether we are still together or not, it will always remind me of that feeling.

Your tattoos don’t need to have profound meaning behind them if you don’t want them to, but they will always act as a time capsule for you. They represent what you loved at one point in your life, even if you don’t love it now. Whether you get tattoos because you like the artist, because the image is special to you, or just because you want a tattoo, it will always have certain memories and feelings associated with them — which you now get to display proudly on your body every single day.