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What one of you said: Boy, am I going to miss your recipes. Yours were the best. You really were the best. I hope the future finds you in better circumstances. Best of luck to you. Bye.
What I’m saying: On October 2020 Tatiana Chahine emailed me a dissolution demand that included a Non Disparagement Agreement “with teeth” (as she herself would dub it), where I would have to pay her $250,000 for just mentioning her name. Though said demand included not just her, but also pretty much every single person we’d worked together with (and, oddly enough too, a handful of companies).
So say, if in the future I’d a bunch of packages go missing and I proclaimed in my Instagram stories “DHL sucks, they lost ten of my packages!!” I would *automatically* have to pay Tatiana a quarter of a million dollars.
“It must be a draft! A typo!!” my own attorney inquired at such madness.
It wasn’t– Tatiana needed such a clause just in case I might go cRaZy in the future and speak what happened.
But this wasn’t actual madness on TC’s behalf (in case you’re wondering), for her outside story with people we worked was quite different: that my own attorneys couldn’t reason with me to sign the NDA because they too thought I was “cRaZy”.
The reality? They were telling Tatiana’s attorneys they would have to recuse themselves as my council if they allowed me to sign such an absurdity (for months on end)(so arguably financial abuse as I spent tens of thousands of dollars fighting TC’s magical thinking)
This is the definition of gaslighting: whereby another human attempts to paint the sky green, even though everyone knows its actually blue (or make the earth appear flat… when it’s been proven to be anything but).
Because TC nowadays says she did *nothing* wrong– everything in our dissolution was normal. “I sincerely wish you all the best”, she texted earlier this year after launching Chef’s Kiss… arguably the ultimate gaslighting tactic: pretending nothing ever happened (iykyk).
It’s manipulation at its finest.
Alas.
As the months dragged on and we went back and forth negotiating the NDA, it became apparent that DHL did not, in fact, need to get an NDA from me through TC: the only two parties that she was trying to get one for were her husband (then boyfriend) and Sirius Black (her boyfriend’s business partner and someone I’d had a short lived personal relationship with)(and let’s just say that things had ended on a super duper weird note after a rather enlightening evening in Missoula, Montana).
But at that point TC already had a clear NDA on the table from me and an offer that neither one of us could use my lupin pasta idea: I was offering her a clean slate (as clearly I wouldn’t have been able to tell this story without her in it).
She did have to chose though: my silence or my recipe (and by now her actions have clearly told us which one she went for)(as I already knew back then she was going behind my back trying to recreate my idea)
The most interesting part of this though (at least for me)? That for the first few months I was utterly convinced that TC was trying to gaslight me with the NDA, as I refused to believe that Sirius Black would be the type of person who wouldn’t be able to stand up to their actions and have to silence me instead.
(And if you’re asking why I didn’t text him, I did try at the very beginning... but we’ll leave that aside for now as more ✨triangulation✨).
“It’s the denial phase of grieving” I heard as I proclaimed his innocence over and over again... along with the (honestly really rational) advice to “just wake up Paola, because Tatiana wasn’t going to include someone’s name in legal documents without their consent.”
But she did.
And this was one of the hardest parts for me– that for a while I really did appear totally delusional to those around me (you know, the girl with “too many feelings”)… because who really would’ve believed that TC would involve someone without their consent?
Right, me.
i.e. I’ve absolutely no regrets about the stunt I pulled this year as I got to clear someone’s name in the process. So thank you, from the bottom of my actual heart you guys, for lending an ear and holding space for me.
He wasn’t someone I knew well, but still– it really mattered to me to know that I’d in fact seen things crystal clear.
You know, that reality was well… real.
Because that’s the main consequence of gaslighting: it makes you doubt yourself, as you struggle to see where the truth actually is between all the lies (and the truth matters, because our perspective matters).
Calling my experience working with Tatiana Chahine traumatizing, is honestly an understatement.
0/5 if my final Yelp review.
But this whole shebang didn’t just affect my relationships with those physically around me, but my interactions with people online too (yup, with you guys). But the reason there is a little more complex… as it also involves the triangulation with a third party– I haven’t come up with a name yet… but Bellatrix Lestrange, regardless of their sex, might just be apt given their flair with The Cruciatus Curse).
[Bellatrix Lestrange enters the plot]
So I figured over the last few weeks I’d try and pull a couple final stunts to clear my perspective further, as I’d been receiving a new type of… I dunno… let’s call it vanilla hAtE mAiL for now. And I call it “vanilla” because its not necessarily mean (I’ve had readers tell me to go off myself before when a recipe fails), but the type that left an uneasy feeling as it low key targeted my ego. And I simply had an inkling it would come around once again if I dropped a few things on my post last week.
And law and behold, look who rolled in 🔮:
Right away I knew I’d seen that commenter before (screen name and language): they were one of the first to pop up when I published “We survived a bear attack”, but the comment disappeared as I was answering it… but it said something along the same lines of “not good, this isn’t the type of content I’m here for, I’m sorry things got so messed up, bye”. Same shenanigans.
Now here on Substack we can actually see if you guys are real people (which, honestly, is probably the main reason why we’re here… I just very conveniently left that out last week). For you see, one of the main ways the algorithm here is different is that it doesn’t rely on your interactions with our posts– so as many of you guys have complained, it forces you to create an account to leave a comment. And it’s a simple way to manage the keyboard warriors too: those amongst us who hide behind made up accounts, and whose actions don’t match their dialogue:
But it doesn’t end there. The second account that came out in support? Our friend Margot:
Someone who likewise claims disinterest in this whole thing, but whose actions also tell another story too (for you see, this individual appears to be the highest viewer of all time of “The truth will set you free”)(you know, the post on Sirius Black).
And this is why seeing people’s true actions matters (why taking advice from the right people matters)(why trusting yourself above anyone else matters)(why perspective matters).
So as you proceed to accuse me of harassment, Tatiana Chahine, what else am I going to find as I continue to cross check everything?
Are we done playing games?
Right.
Don’t worry, this is an innocent until proven guilty space.
Because I did receive many different types of emails from readers (most were honestly in support)(but those that weren’t were also private and concerned– as they didn’t need to shame me publicly, even if they let me know they had to unsubscribe for a bit)(but I’ve also had more people unsubscribe for posting a recipe with maple syrup, so fyi).
Oh– but let’s circle back because I nearly forgot: I hear you (and your customers, lmao?) are living in fear because of my harassment?
Right, right.
Because who else would send a “riddikukus 🪄!” charm your way? Who else is capable of such foolery?
Really– please tell me who else would go through the trouble of creating dummy accounts to send each other vanilla hAtE mAiL for this stupid mess… but you and me.
That’s right, of course it was me.
For I knew your knee jerk reaction would be to report the account for harassment and block all associated accounts. Because let me guess, you knew it was me with absolute certainty when you went back to check on the gnom-gnom account and it had disappeared (you conveniently left that out). As someone who’s worked social media for years, I know very well this is the only way to block someone for good (they need to change the system, as I couldn’t preemptively block all your accounts)(and given that I can’t see you from my second phone either, were I didn’t even have instagram and I just created a random account to check, likewise with my desktop, I’m guessing the system really does take the whole household down– I love it!).
As I may as well have signed it “xo! Paola” coming from a burner account with no followers, a black picture and following gnom-gnom. I wanted to be *so* obvious (without being obvious enough that you wouldn’t block me), so that when you accused me of harassment (as I knew you would) I could openly say: yeah, and wasn’t it obvious?
I think you’re forgetting I’m someone who likes to stand by their actions 💁♀️🪄
(And I stand by what I said, riddikulus!– because strong female entrepreneurs do not need to steal another woman’s intellectual property)(and much less by calling them cRaZy)(by throwing her husbands attorneys at them and gaslighting everyone)(yup, I stand by it: you’re ridiculous).
Because you told me how closely you’d be watching me... and you weren’t kidding. I blocked you, your husband, your in laws… and still, there didn’t seem to be a way to get you to stop watching me. I posted a single comment on my instagram about this (after THREE YEARS!) to test the waters and see if my grab at the invisibility cloak had worked… sadly you informed me my charm work was weak for the likes of She Who Must Not Be Named.
You’re still watching 👀
Not even Instagram can stop you, you’re too powerful.
But important side note here: have you wondered at all why I’ve been containing this here? You know, if I’m really “out to get you” like you claim? Why I really did just drop a single comment (and story)?
I’ll drop a hint: I took an ego death dose of psilocybin earlier this year and I sat there caring deeply about the survival of both our souls (but I really mean just your soul, because if terrestrial TC approaches me again I will file a restraining order ok?)
“I saw your email a couple days ago” you texted earlier this year at just a hint of your name when I had to clarify to my audience that I was in no way involved with your product (as many were under the impression I was)(and fyi this is you actually damaging my brand). And yes, you launched Chef’s Kiss emailing my audience– because let’s face it, if you’re using the email list I think you are it’s over 90% gnom-gnom.
“I wanted to be courteous and reach out to you first so that this doesn’t escalate into a bigger issue” your text ended.
“Manipulation is when they blame you for their toxic behavior but never discuss their disrespect that triggered you.”
Again. Tell me Tatiana– who was the one who showed up on the internet, stealing years of my work, dubbing their product a continuation of gnooda, and emailing my audience?
I really did try and move on with my life Tatiana– I came up with something completely different and I personally really didn’t need to crash your wedding. I’ve ZERO dummy accounts following you or your email list, as I myself did block and unfollow you back in 2020. In fact, I only found out about your wedding because your best friend dropped the date (and then promptly edited it out)(and it was a little too hard to resist true vengeance for a tiny moment)(but I still walked away, as I chose my own integrity).
But I’m guessing that’s your very argument for stalking me right? I’m guessing it’s something along the lines of “I’m entitled to watch her, even if she’s blocked me everywhere just in case she says something!”?
So right about now is when I take you back in time to 2019… to a memorable chat we had in my LA apartment: the one where we talked about the person who was super duper stalking me (you know, the one who held me captive and medically abused me?)
A Bellatrix Lestrange type character for sure (you know, the one who made Neville Longbottom’s parents lose their minds under The Cruciatus Curse)(and the one who killed Sirius Black)– the name does kinda slap given their presence in my life.
(And a vip side note here: you guys, this is the part of the story where I ask you to please not feel an ounce of pity for me…. because TC doesn’t get to hold this over me to shame and silence me).
No one does.
For there is no shame in what happened to me.
And sometimes, just sometimes, when someone is trying to shame you with your greatest fears… you really do have to say: I do not negotiate with terrorists.
So yup Tatiana Chahine, we really are going to talk about why you specifically chose to diagnose me as bipolar (i.e. your poison pill, of sorts).
Because let me ask you point blank 🗣️: did you think you were pinning me against a wall as you knew that if I spoke about why you were calling me “bipolar”… I would very well be putting my actual life at risk?
Yikes!
That would be a very special sort of insurance policy, wouldn’t it Tatiana? Using someone’s own life against them.
Well surprise, surprise!
[Karma enters the picture]
🖼️🚶
But life itself put that psychopathic individual in a wheelchair for now... so I’ve an open window *right this very second* to tell this story (you really couldn’t have shown up at a better time, matter of fact). Because they too just have to sit back and watch me tell the truth (se que tu tambien estas leyendo).
And yes, I do very well know I might just need to go into hiding after I finish telling this story (y nunca me vas a encontrar)… but as I’m rapidly regaining my ability to be fully (fully!) verbal again these past couple months, I’m now absolutely willing to wing it for the sake of regaining my own dignity.
Because dang– it feels good.
(honestly? it’s even hard to describe the melange of feelings I’m having as I type this, but “freeing” has been the enduring one all week).
As unlike you, I’m realizing I’m not someone who thrives living in fear with secrets– I prefer truth and light (even if it costs me my life for I wouldn’t be an enneagram “one” if I wasn’t willing to risk it all for the truth).
(and yes, I also hear us “ones” can be a tad dramatic)(but I’m also learning live through this sorry mess exactly why we test as the humans who are willing to give up our lives for what we believe in– we really do not negotiate with terrorists)(and more often than not, as both history and folklore will tell us: we end up getting our heads chopped off in the process)(and with absolutely no regret, as life without dignity and integrity ain’t worth living)(like a said, dramatic).
(but still, given the circumstances– I’ve set it up so that if anything were to happen to me: every single email and text from you both will be posted online for all eternity)(forever and ever)(and that’s not a threat, it’s a pinky promise).
So yeah... circling back to that afternoon in my LA apartment: remember when I said that that individual had to stalk me because they were afraid that I would use my audience to speak about what they did to me? And you looked me dead in the eye, shook your head calmly, and added that it was more about power and control to continue to get a reaction from me... as I was clearly utterly distressed?
Tell me Tatiana 🗣️: is stalking someone online about power and control… or is it about living in fear of being called out?
Your actions gave me the answer, funny enough: it’s both– for only those who live in fear and shame need to control others to feel in empowered.
‘Tis a case of self fulfilling expectations (ask your husband what this means).
Funny enough we’re not only here to talk about you entering into a self fulfilling stalking spiral with me (that’s just a nice bonus)… as now you do have to stalk me right?
For here we are.
(an important btw here: again, I’m still not watching you as I did listen to Dumbledore and have tried to sever the connection– and that’s the gift that a clear conscience brings: we can let go)(and a clue for you as to your behavior under an ego death dose of psilocybin)(can you see the answer to the question you asked me that afternoon in Sun Valley already? it lies nowhere else… but in your behavior)(don’t worry, I’m not you, I won’t publicly shame you with your trauma: but I am going to show you the answer).
(but I’m also going to make you an offer: I’m not going to post anything else about this on my instagram. And while I’m not someone who needs anyone to hold them accountable to their word, if it gives you peace of mind: you’ve over 100k people here watching me too)(so ask yourself: can you stop watching me now that you’ve run out of excuses? only you’ll know… but remember, it’s what you know about yourself that counts)(which is our second clue today as to your mental state while on psychedelics).
(and in case you’re wondering what I get in return: I don’t get to talk about you anywhere else)(i.e. what us economists refer to as a non-zero-sum game: it’s a win-win).
Alas, again.
We’re actually here today to talk about what I called your “dodgy maneuvering” with the closing of our bank account... as one might argue, that your actions there also don’t match your dialogue:
On December 7th 2021 I received a phone call from our bank manager alerting that you’d withdrawn our remaining balance and were demanding to close the account (you were told that wasn’t possible, as they needed my authorization too).
When I logged in I saw that you hadn’t only made a teller withdrawal for the remaining balance of $90,843.83, but you’d also transferred $6,935.81 from our PayPal account and made a check out to yourself for that same amount. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but you hadn’t reported that PayPal balance anywhere (I literally searched through all your attorneys emails and couldn’t find you declaring it– correct me if I’m wrong though? spreadsheets? anywhere?)
Still, I was more than fine with your actions as I’d already withdrawn $100k myself more than six months prior (right, you would prefer it if I said “I stole $100k even though according to the IRS that money belonged to me… and I’d already paid $40k of taxes on it”?)
But a few weeks later the apparent reason for your actions became slightly (only slightly) clearer via an email from your first attorney:
But those were not the facts. You did not, in fact, just take out the remaining $90K.
So... was it petty theft Tatiana or were you just trying to make it out like I took more money home than you in the end? For I’ve never quite understood your penchant for playing victim to me in order to justify your actions.
Our dissolution is filled with petty (and silly) maneuvering such as this. Say, you also never informed us about how you disposed of our other assets (or why you wanted to sue our producers?)(or why UPS was threatening litigation against us? lmao, truly, what was going on?!)
Because tell me, why go through all that trouble for $7K when you easily drop more at Moncler in one sitting? It makes no sense (!!).
Like- let me get this straight: if I’m all of a sudden “a bad person” according to you (“cRaZy, bipolar, advantageous, broke and a thief!”)… then in your head you then get to lie and steal my work?
I’m sorry, but integrity doesn’t work like that.
Because your attorney never answered as to your dodgy maneuvering and the pending issues regarding my intellectual property– on a subsequent phone call after that email he said that you had said “that you no longer wanted to invest more resources in this” and he hadn’t even read what we sent him.
So my attorney atm, if you so wish to accept my offer below, is only here to forward your emails to me– no phone calls (everything in writing). Because you and I really are never having another conversation in private (ever)(ever, again).
You lie at every turn. Your word means 💩
So here’s what we’re going to do if you actually, like actually, want to clear your name (and not just gaslight and name call me)(remember though, I’m still holding the Elder’s Wand– as I’m more than delighted that you trying to make it out like I was having a psychotic break backfired on you)(like what where you thinking, honestly?):
You’re going to tell me in writing why you felt entitled to try and get an NDA for “Sirius Black” without his consent. (Again please email my first attorney, I’m sure you remember him)(you know, the one you couldn’t gaslight into making me out to be cRaZy?)
I’m also for sure going to need a proper explanation as to why you were diagnosing me as bipolar (when it’s an actual condition that deserves respect)(because yeah, Bellatrix… interesting triangulation choice)
You’re also (also, also) going to answer my attorney’s last pending email as to your “dodgy maneuvering” (i.e. arguably petty theft?), your attorney representing me without my consent, etc.
And lastly, and this is the important one, you’re going to pay for a neutral accountant to get the credit card statements from Amex itself so that we can finish doing the forensic accounting that I was trying to do (I’m not spending money to clear your name). And “I can’t, it’s linked to my personal account” isn’t going to cut it this time, lmao be fr. Because given all your sketchy actions, and how this all blew up when I was asking for our financials right before Missoula (because how could we get “investors” without financials, lmao again)(and I say “investors” because lmaooo 😭)… I think it’s very much reasonable of me to wonder if the PDFs you sent over don’t have added magic in them.
Can you see how sketchy af it all looks?
Actually scratch that, I already know you think that’s totally normal behavior: so you shouldn’t have a problem at all explaining yourself.
Ah… but you really did run out of green paint didn’t you? Because your math ain’t mathing Tatiana, and I’m done playing your games.
You asked me once too how I’d been able to achieve so much in spite of everything... it’s simple, and let’s circle back to Eminem:
“I use my enemy’s words as strength
To try and draw from, and get inspired off ‘em
‘Cause all my life I was told and taught I am not shit
By you whack fucking giant sacks of lying dog shit”
i.e. I’ve always known our haters really are our biggest fans 🥰
xo! Paola
p.s. it really isn’t my job to explain to you why you’re breaking the law by using the gnooda email list (hint GDPR and the California Privacy Law)... but allow me to help you out since you keep insisting, as it also falls very much in line with today’s food for thought: only Death Eaters feel entitled to barge into peoples homes without their consent (and readers’ consent is exactly what you’re lacking, as that was given to gnooda… not Chef’s Kiss).
and p.p.s. the most important reason why I didn’t call you out publicly sooner, was simply because I know very well what kind of damage this can cause to your mental health (and it never sat well with me to inflict irreparable harm to you, no matter what)(“doubling it and passing it on” simply ain’t my style)(offensive side eye).
I mean, because if that really was you with the dummy account… you can already begin to see it– which is why I didn’t publish the remaining posts last week. I cancelled the show and did a 180 rewrite, as the same feeling came up as two days before your wedding: that I didn’t need to.
(who knows, I might even break the Elder Wand in half…)(just might)
Because can you, like I did with you, put up with an entire year of not knowing when my next bomb is going to drop?
Right.
I’m not the weak one. I don’t need to control others to feel empowered.
In fact, as I’m realizing this week, the only story that actually matters telling here for me is that of Bellatrix Lestrange– my greatest fear, as you very well know. It’s a dangerous game you played right there… but I’m no longer afraid.
So I do have one more thing to say to you, but I’ll give you a couple weeks to reach out to my attorney in case you actually want to clear your name (the proper way: by opening up our books).
(and a vip) p.s. for you guys: I really mean it, no feeling sorry for me. For someone along this journey once told me that our souls choose to come to this life knowing exactly what lies ahead (you know, because ✨growth✨)… and while I’d definitely been adamant to believe that given the amount of 💩 I’ve endured in this lifetime, we’ve come full circle now: for I firmly believe that we really are all walking each other home (yup, even Tatiana and I… particularly now).
For I suppose that, amongst all our free will, there might just lie a little hint of fate there too.
Life’s a little too perfect sometimes, iykwim.
(or you might not know at all what I mean… as I hear I’ve been confusing the heck out of y’all a bunch this year)(but thank you, nonetheless, for holding space for me and lending an ear)(because it might surprise you guys to hear, but y’all actually saved my life back in 2018)(and not metaphorically, like actually saved my life– and it’s a pretty cool story, a story full of luck and chance).
So thanks guys, I legit owe you more than you know (though I’m beginning to think… I might just be brave enough to tell you how much).
Coming up next, for we might just need a touch of bright summer comfort right about now: (pillowy ‘n buttery!) sourdough lemon blueberry rolls.
Because what’s arguably the most important lesson we learnt from Harry Potter?
I’m clearly in my corny phase, humor me pls– that we should never stop dancing, loving and living… even when things get dark while on the hunt for You Know Who’s horcruxes.
The magic is ours 🪄
(And the sky is still blue and the Earth round).
Hi.
It's been a few minutes since hitting publish and I'm sitting here with a lot more feelings than I could ever describe... for you see, a few years back I'd promised myself I'd *never* speak to anyone else about what I survived ("maybe when I was old and wrinkly, and it'd become a thing of my past", I'd told myself)... for I could see the pain in people's faces when I shared my story.
I simply wasn't ready for my relationship with the world to change.
Now I know different. Now I know that a part of me was lying to myself that I wasn't still living in fear and shame of what had happened to me.
But as I sit here now, the one prevailing feeling is freedom.
I feel like I'm actually finally free, free of a captivity that was imposed on me by another human a long time ago (the truth really does set you free).
So allow me to re-introduce myself: Hi, I'm Paola and I'm a survivor.
Thank you for reading me. Thank you for holding space for me all these years (you know who you are)
xo! Paola
I’m all out of jokes for this one. Much love Paola, I cannot imagine what I’d do in your position.