Back in 2013 I wrote an article about Kanye West, but like Ye himself that article is now out of date and irrelevant. Now that West has procreated with a talentless, big-arsed, reality-star and created two over-privileged sprogs from the Snapchat generation, made a few more overrated albums and acted like more of a twat, I think it’s high time I write another piece on this overvalued worm. So here it goes…

One thing that’s changed since my last article is the fact that this dad-shaped dickhead has now become some sort of fashion icon. With GQ naming this fucker one of the most “Stylish Men of 2015”, upon hearing the news I nearly spat my bootleg Voss over my Kokon To Zai knock-offs. It’s quite hilarious that this arse-goblin who looks like the end result of Jay Leno fucking a purple frog is now heralded as some kind of saviour of style. It almost seems like an elaborate joke that this averagely-dressed prick with a stubby figure is now known for his so-called fashion sense, and yet with that dumpy frame he ruins not only the look but also the credibility of any outfit he wears.

Back in 2006 I recall this moron wearing a lilac tuxedo at the Grammys, then he released his horrid Bathing Ape collabo sneakers, and then in 2007 he popularised those tacky shutter shades, with all that garbage to his name, in the noughties you’d be laughed out of the room if you said Kanye West was stylish. But over the years that followed, and thanks largely to the suck-ups in the mainstream media, this bent-jawed Hip-Popper has slowly been overhauled and re-marketed to the masses as fashionable, but unless you’re an arse-kissing fan it’s pretty obvious that Kanye is no trendsetter. With Hip-Pop fans and the middle-classes being the most easily led group with the biggest disposable income, selling West and his product to this section of society is hugely profitable, and over the years Kanye West has released masses of overpriced shite in order to target these very people…

First there was the Air Yeezy sneaker which looked pale and generic, there was also the Air Yeezy 2 which looked like an orthopaedic shoe, his overpriced crap with A.P.C. was just a set of plain clothes that resembled something from Tesco’s F&F, then came his uninspired Adidas moccasin sneakers, and the sole on his Boost 350 low-tops looked like a giant fusilli glued to some gravel. So with all this dross to his name, explain to me why he’s sold to the public as a fashion-expert and a style icon? Well according to corrupt journalists and his door-mat fans, West has interned at Fendi and has also collaborated with Louis Vuitton, but the only thing that’s resulted from all that white-man-dick-sucking is the horridly conformist “Rosewood Movement” which sadly established the suit within mainstream Hip-Hop. If there was ever proof that both Kanye and mainstream Rap music have completely and utterly sold-out it’s the fact that a street-based counter culture has now been appropriated by these middle and upperclass suits, quite literally.

Trying to blend the worlds of Hip-Hop and fashion and destroying both in the process, Kanye West is usually ruining some look as he’s snapped by the paps. It doesn’t matter what this dude wears; contact lenses, ripped jeans, fur, oversized coats and jackets, leggings under shorts and skirts, distressed and minimalist muted clothing, it’s all been done before and it’s all been done better on someone else. And like I said before; with that stocky, squat figure and pudgy face, Kanye West makes even the best outfits look garishly out-of-style. Nine times out of ten he looks like a lottery winner who’s just blown his giant cheque on some haute couture. Kanye West is like a slug dressed in Jean Paul Gaultier, he makes everything on or near him look like trash, in fact his looks are so f’d up that he even makes Kim Kardashian look ugly.

Kanye West’s collaboration with Maison Margiela on his Yeezus Tour wardrobe was one of the few occasions that he came up with something decent, but that baggy, army-esque shit only looked good ’cause the fucker’s face was hidden behind a mask. Not to continually be rude about someone’s looks, but it’s largely West’s own fault for posing like he’s “all that” every time he arrives at some red carpet event, therefore it has to be acknowledged that Kanye is no male model, and he’s no avant-garde designer or hip fashionista either. With his almost oval face and his tight-arsed clobber, this chunky cretin looks like an Easter egg who’s bullshitted his way into Fabergé, and that metaphor is not only apt when it comes to Kanye and fashion, but also to Kanye and music.

Kanye West is basically the Noel Fielding of Hip-Hop music – everything he makes is overrated by his boot-licking fans. Pretty much everything shat out by Kanye, no matter how mediocre, gets marketed as new, unique, ground-breaking, and artistic, but look past all the corrupt press and all the social media mania, and you’ll see that the majority of his work is hollow. Case in point, his shite video for his shite song “Famous” which not only features one of the dullest, most drawn-out videos with the crapiest mannequins, it also features the worst hook and the most contrived and corniest lyrics in Hip-Hop right now. And yet within minutes of it being released we had a deluge of celebrities and fans either calling it an artistic masterpiece, complaining about its content, or undeservedly labelling it controversial. Either way people seem to hype everything Kanye West makes to the point where he’s the most talked about celebrity today (hell, even I’m doing it right now) but that’s all Kanye West is – hype. There’s nothing behind all the fanfare and all the parlour tricks but a twat with a jaw like Robert Z’Dar and an expression like someone with mental illness.

Speaking about facial expressions, Kanye’s weird, glazed-over, and almost doltish facial expressions that resemble a child who’s just defecated in his Huggies (other diapers are available) seem to be indicative of his overrated persona yet under-productive mind. Would someone pull that face if their head was filled with deep, meaningful thoughts, new musical concepts, and complex rhymes? I think not.

With basic lyrics like…

“She said Ye can we get married at the mall? I said look you need to crawl ‘fore you ball.

Come and meet me in the bathroom stall, and show me why you deserve to have it all”

…it really makes you wonder why all these sheep think he’s some kind of musical genius.

It’s one thing to have grovelling fans and yes-men surrounding you, but this knobhead does actually think that the sun shines out of his arse. It’s a sad state of affairs when narcissism attracts masses of brownnosers, but with so many dumb, blind, and obviously deaf fawners out there, it’s not surprising that someone like Kanye has stepped forward to lead these parasites. Within this celebrity-adoring ecosystem, only the worst kind of people are now attracted to fame, and these people who obviously have a God Complex unsurprisingly give themselves pseudonyms such as Yeezus or Jay-Hova and in turn attract dopey disciples.

Kanye West’s delusions of grandeur don’t just end with his moniker however, every time this arsehole speaks, every time he tweets, ever time he appears in an interview his holier-than-thou attitudes come to the fore. This self-proclaimed “greatest living rock star on the planet” gave himself this title whilst performing at Glastonbury, and may I point out that Prince and David Bowie were both still alive when he said this, in fact Cilla Black was alive back then too, and even she’s a better performer than Mr. Kardashian.

To add to his self-satisfied, artistic superciliousness, Kanye West has also on occasion spoken about how he’s saving mankind… literally. During his 2016 appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show he begins talking about how he wants to “help the world”, he says “I feel that if I had more resources I could help more people” …more? Who the fuck is he “helping” right now? As though some pale fucking hessian sacks draped over a catwalk model is fixing the ills of the world. He goes on… “I have ideas that can make the human race[’s] existence within our hundred years better” but despite looking pleased with himself he fails to back up his statement. Continually veering off topic, when Ellen says “give me one example [of your ideas]”, West then replies with the most muddled and meaningless bullshit I’ve ever heard on a daytime talk show; “multi-discipline artists like Steve McQueen… My dad lived in homeless shelters… Picasso is dead, Steve Jobs is dead, Walt Disney is dead… that’s my point!” it was like listening to the ramblings of someone suffering from schizophrenia and at no point did Ellen say “what the hell are you talking about? I asked you about your ideas on how you’d help the world”. West went on… “I feel like I can make a difference while I’m here… I want to take away bullying… I’m sorry for the realness” and with each nonsensical sentence the audience clapped and cheered like he was reciting fucking Confucius, but did they hear even one of his so-called ideas? No, he just talked in circles until everybody forgot about his original statement. And that sums up Kanye perfectly – he talks shit, he makes shit, and he is shit, but his fans seem to be hypnotised, their eyes glaze over every time he speaks or raps, they ignore the hollow content and therefore don’t bother to acknowledge the utter shite he says, does, and makes.

It was quite telling that while Kanye likened himself to Michael Jackson nobody stopped him in his tracks, nobody countered any of his bullshit, nobody in the audience laughed or heckled this fuckwit as he disappeared up his own arse. Being surrounded by people who refuse to highlight your idiocy is exactly the reason why celebrities continually lose the plot. It’s these type of people who feed the ego of overrated celebrities and because of this atmosphere, Kanye West has now not only become the recipient of the most undeserved adulation of anybody in the entertainment business, his personality has ballooned to create the biggest self-absorbed, self-centred, self-important twat – the most egotistical celebrity of all time.

Every time Kanye opens his out-of-style, grill-emblazoned mouth, he thinks he’s saying something clever and deep, confirmation of this comes when he pauses and holds that toddler-shitting-expression I mentioned earlier. Anybody not brainwashed by Kanye’s hype however, can plainly see that the man is a walking, talking, rapping embarrassment. What the fuck do the public hear that makes them buy his average music? What do they see in him that they hang onto his every word? All I hear is mediocre Hip-Pop featuring his corny faux-Chicago drawl, and all I see is a smug, self-righteous, sanctimonious cunt draped in overpriced designer shite.

Kan’t Ye.