The Best 'Zoolander' Movie Quotes

Movie and TV Quotes

Updated November 30, 2023 164.9K views 15 items

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821 votes

402 voters

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Vote up your favorite quotes from the movie 'Zoolander.'

In the glitzy, often superficial world of fashion, few films have so successfully skewered the industry as the 2001 comedy Zoolander. Directed by and starring Ben Stiller as the eponymous male model, Derek Zoolander, the film is a relentless satire that parodies the vanity and emptiness of the modeling world while delivering a dizzying array of quotes that have seared themselves into pop culture vernacular.

With a narrative that centers on the dim-witted yet charming Derek Zoolander becoming embroiled in a villainous plot while grappling with his own existential crises, Zoolander is a comedy that works on multiple layers. The film's sharp, acerbic wit is brought to life by a stellar cast, including Owen Wilson as the free-spirited rival model Hansel and Will Ferrell as the villainous fashion mogul Mugatu.

The screenplay, co-written by Stiller, John Hamburg, and Drake Sather, is a treasure trove of absurdity, with each character delivering lines so ridiculous yet so perfectly crafted that they instantly lodge themselves in the audience's memory. From biting commentaries on consumer culture to the most delightfully dumb exchanges, the script of Zoolander dances a fine line between clever and outright ludicrous.

This article takes a walk down the runway of Zoolander's most quotable and iconic lines, a trip replete with “Blue Steel” gazes, outlandish fashion statements, and musings on the complexities of life that are as unexpectedly profound as they are funny. These quotes have transcended the silver screen to infiltrate everyday lingo, showcasing the powerful and lingering impact of the film's comedic voice. Prepare to indulge in the one-liners and exchanges that not only define the movie's legacy but also serve as a masterclass in comedic delivery.

1
36 VOTES
Abodiginals
Video: YouTube
Matilda: Uh, Derek, I don't know if you're familiar with the belief that some aboriginal tribes hold. It's the concept that a photo might steal a part of your soul. I mean, what are your thoughts on that as someone who gets his picture taken for a living?

Derek Zoolander: Well, I guess I would have to answer your question with another question. How many abodiginals do you see modeling?

36 votes
2
43 VOTES
You Can Read Minds?
Video: YouTube
Matilda: I couldn't understand why I didn't look like them. I just didn't get it so I became, so, um, I became...

Hansel: What?

Matilda: Bulimic.

Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?

43 votes
3
29 VOTES
Why Do You Hate Male Models, Matilda?
Video: YouTube
Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?

Matilda: Honestly?

Hansel: Yes.

Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.

Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

29 votes
4
51 VOTES
I'm Not An Ambi-Turner
Video: YouTube
Derek Zoolander: And all he had to do was turn left.

Matilda: What do you mean?

Derek Zoolander: I'm not an ambi-turner. It's a problem I had since I was a baby. I can't turn left.

Matilda: Derek, that's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who can't turn...I mean, there have got to be some people out there just like you who can't...turn...turn...left.

51 votes
5
54 VOTES
A Bad Eugoogoolizer
Video: YouTube
Matilda: Derek? Derek, hey!

Derek Zoolander: What do you want?

Matilda: Actually, I'm trying to talk to Mugatu but he's tougher to get to than the president.

Derek Zoolander: Oh, I thought you were going to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?

Matilda: A what?

Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals.
(Matilda looks at Derek confused)

Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I'd be too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?

54 votes
6
53 VOTES
Really, Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Looking
Video: YouTube
Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

53 votes
7
32 VOTES
Earth to Matilda
Video: YouTube
Derek Zoolander: Turn off my phone?

Matilda: Yeah.

Derek Zoolander: Earth to Matilda, this phone is as much a part of me as...

Matilda: You know what, can we just cut it out with all the Earth-tos, please?

Hansel: We're not actually saying 'this is the Earth calling you,' Matilda.

Matilda: Yeah, no, I got that. I understand you don't literally mean...

Derek Zoolander: Uh, no, I don't think you do. Listen, it's not like we think that we're actually in a control tower trying to reach outer space aliens or something. Okay?

32 votes
8
44 VOTES
Ex-Squeeze Me, But Have You Ever Heard of Styling Gel?
Video: YouTube
Brint: Or the way Hansel combs his hair?

Meekus: Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?

Brint: I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model.

Meekus: Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke.

Brint: Uh, earth to Meekus, duh, I knew that!

Meekus: Uh earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you did cuz you were all 'well I'm sure he's heard of styling gel' like you didn't know it was a joke! Ha ha ha!

Brint: I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!

Meekus: Earth to Brint...

Derek Zoolander: Would you guys stop it already?

44 votes
9
111 VOTES
A Center For Ants
Video: YouTube
Mugatu: Let's get back to the reason that we're really here. Without much further ado, I give you the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good.

Derek Zoolander: (Looks at the tiny scale model of the proposed center) What is this?!? A center for ants?!?

Mugatu: What?

Derek Zoolander: How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read if they can't even fit inside the building?

111 votes
10
66 VOTES
Merman
Video: YouTube
Derek Zoolander: (Speaking in a television commercial) Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Larry Zoolander: Why'd you have to come back to this town?

Derek Zoolander: I wanted to create a new life for myself. I'm sorry I was born with this perfect bone structure, that my hair looks better done up with gel and mousse than hidden under a stupid hat with a light on it. All I ever wanted to do was make you proud of me, pop.

Larry Zoolander: With what?!? Your male modeling?!? Prancing around in your underwear with your wiener hanging out for everyone to see?!? You're dead to me boy. You're more dead to me than your dead mother. I just thank the lord she didn't live to see her son as a mermaid.

Derek Zoolander: Merman! (coughs) MERMAN!

66 votes

11
30 VOTES
Magnum!
Video: YouTube
Derek Zoolander: One look?... ONE LOOK?! I don't think so!
(Derek reveals Magnum)

Hansel: There it is

Todd: Magnum

Larry Zoolander: Holy moly

Maury Ballstein: Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!

30 votes
12
46 VOTES
Crazy Pills
Video: YouTube
Mugatu: SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? NOTHING! YOU'VE DONE NOTHING! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!

46 votes
13
36 VOTES
Investigatory Journalist
Video: YouTube
Derek Zoolander: Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your 'do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way'?

36 votes
14
8 VOTES
Too Cool For School
Video: YouTube
Derek Zoolander: You think that you're too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you Walter Cronkite... you aren't.

8 votes
15
3 VOTES
Who Killed Kennedy
Video: YouTube
Matilda: Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.

J.P. Prewitt: You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the Grassy Knoll sure as shit were!

3 votes