How to Slide Into Someone's DMs

Co-authored by Mark Rosenfeld and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: October 22, 2023 References

If you’ve spotted someone cute on social media, you might be wondering how in the world you can send them a message without feeling weird about it. Thankfully, we've got tons of ideas of what you can say to spark a connection. Keep reading to learn how you can send an eye-catching message to (hopefully) get a quick reply.

1

Follow them first.

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You’re more likely to get a response if you click the “follow” button. Better yet, try following them a few days (or even a few weeks) before you slide into their DMs. That way, you don’t seem like your only motivation was to ask them out. Plus, you might even get a follow back!^{[1]
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- If you follow each other already, that’s a great sign. They’ll probably be much more open to responding to your messages.

2

Reply to their story.

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It’s an easy way to start a conversation. If they post something on their story on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook, reply and tell them how cool it is or how good of a picture that is. If you really want a reply, try asking a relevant question so they answer it. Don’t just use the story reactions, as that probably won’t get a response.^{[2]
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- For example, if they post a pic of their lunch, you could say, “Yum! Where’d you get that?”
- If they post a picture at the beach, you might ask, “Looks beautiful! Which beach is that?”
- If they post a song they’re listening to, you could say, “I love this song. Have you heard their most recent album?”

3

Give them a compliment.

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Most people love hearing nice things about themselves. Keep your comment civil, and don’t pick out one of their physical features (as that can be a little bit weird). Instead, compliment their latest post, their sense of humor, or even their personality. After they say “thank you,” you can continue having a fun conversation with them.^{[3]
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- Say something like, “LOL you’re so funny, your posts always make me laugh.”
- Or, “It’s awesome how much you volunteer! Everyone should give back to the community like you do.”

4

DM them about a post they made.

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Instead of commenting, send it in a private message. This is a nice, friendly way to bring up something you like without overstepping your bounds. If they posted a cool photo or a funny Tweet, let them know! Or, ask them a question about the latest post they just shared. Try something like:^{[4]
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- “Those shoes you just posted are so pretty! Where’d you get them?”
- “Just saw your post about the basketball game!! I can’t believe our team lost again.”
- “You’re in New York right now too? I’m here until Saturday!”

5

Mention your mutual friends.

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Bring up your connection to each other to start a conversation. Check their followers list to see who they know that you also have a connection with. In your message, tell them who you know and ask how they know them. It’s a great way to show them that you’re a real person, not just some online persona.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.}
- For instance, you might say, “Oh, you follow Vicky? I’ve known her since we were like 5 lol.”
- Or, “Whoa, small world! How do you know Jeremy?”

6

Try a cheesy pickup line.

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If they’re a little goofy, they might appreciate this. Use an innocent pickup line that doesn't involve anything sexual (since that could come off a little creepy). A pickup line makes your intentions clear from the start, and it could get you off on the right foot! Keep in mind, though, that not everyone appreciates a pickup line, even if it is pretty silly. You could send something like:^{[6]
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- “Was your father an astronomer? Because I think he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”
- “Do you like raisins? How about a date?”
- “I was going to offer to draw you but you’re clearly already a work of art.”

7

Send a meme.

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Pick something you know they like, then send something goofy. You can take a look at their profile to figure out what they’re interested in, like books, TV shows, or movies. Then, search the web for a funny meme that might break the ice. You’ll get them laughing and (hopefully) spark a great conversation!^{[7]
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- Can’t figure out what to send? Try searching for an ice breaker meme. You can find a silly picture with a cheesy pickup line on it to send to your potential boo.
- If you can’t find anything good, try searching “meme” on Instagram or Twitter. You should be able to find something totally random that makes you chuckle.

8

Have a fun conversation.

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Once you get a reply back, it’s time to make conversation! Ask them how they’re doing, what they’re up to, or something about their interests. The more you can develop a rapport with them, the more likely it is you two will actually meet up IRL. Keep them talking by asking them questions and sharing a little bit about yourself, too.^{[8]
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- For instance, you might say, “I saw that you like to roller skate. How’s that going? I tried picking it up like a year ago, but I’m just not that good.”
- Or, “Did you just move to the area? I’ve lived here for a while, so I could totally show you around sometime.”

9

Give out your number to continue the convo.

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Most people want to chat on the phone before meeting up. If that’s your goal, give them your digits so you two can text a bit before hanging out. Don’t put any pressure on them—just tell them you loved chatting and you’d like to continue your conversation elsewhere. Then, the ball is in their court. Say something like:^{[9]
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- “I really liked talking to you. Here’s my number if you wanna chat again.”
- “You’re really funny, and you seem super cool. I’d love to talk more; here’s my number.”

10

Don’t send more than one message.

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Multiple DMs in a row can be a little overbearing. If you shoot your shot and don’t get a reply, chalk it up to bad luck and try again with someone else. Remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and social media has tons of users! (Plus, some people get so many DMs that they can’t even read them all, so don’t sweat it).^{[10]
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- If you two do have a nice conversation but they never hit you up again, that’s also a clue that they might not be interested. That’s totally fine, and you can move on to someone else.

Expert Q&A

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Question

Is it OK to slide into DMs?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

There's nothing wrong with shooting your shot, but it's definitely not going to have a high rate of success so far as establishing a relationship goes.

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Question

What should I do if she doesn't respond to my questions?

Mark Rosenfeld
Dating & Relationship Coach
Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach for women and founded Make Him Yours in 2015. Mark specializes in helping people find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon on its release.

Mark Rosenfeld

Dating & Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

This is a common issue. Questions are a great way to get a conversation moving, but they don't necessarily set the stage very well for a flirty conversation. You want to be the pond, not the fishing pole, if that makes sense. Try throwing out some statements. This way you build a degree of mystery and you set the stage for her to come to you with the follow-up comments.

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Tips

Unless you’re DMing for a booty call, send your first message during the day time. That way, the person won’t think you have strictly sexual intentions.

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